Jealousy

Jealousy is a strange animal. Nothing else holds its victims so tightly or releases them so reluctantly. It plays games with many people, turning them against each other, making them mysterious, ready to explode without warning at an innocent comment.

Sitting in the Student Association Center this evening, playing cards with friends, there is no indication in my mind that it is even a relevant emotion at this point.

Turns out, it is. Not a right emotion, but relevant. Not right away, though.

An hour or two passes easily among friends. A seemingly never-ending game of something or other that Dan learned in Mexico... Kevin and Janell called it quits and huddled together, all business, if any of us were naive and oblivious enough to believe that. They were reading Kevin's English paper. Very interesting, not only because the paper was about his first kiss, and that he was reading it to the current girlfriend when it was about the first girlfriend, but stranger still because Dan had kissed the very same girl, by the very same stream, not a whole lot later.

Dan tells me that people find it surprising that he and Kevin are still such good friends after dating the same girl. I had wondered at the same thing, but did not mention it.

I reminded Kevin of a promise made earlier to show me a copy, and he honored me with an extra print-out. I set it aside to read later. At the moment, my mind was occupied with one of the famous five-minute mysteries. Why, I wondered, would a man eating abalone feel the sudden need to commit suicide. I hope these mysteries are entirely made up. A hint of reality in them would be enough to give me nightmares. Everyone's always dead.

Janell and Kevin left and eventually I picked up the story to take a quick read. Dan grabbed it playfully, and I attempted to retrieve it, with a total lack of success. It became a small wrestling match, which must have seemed at least a little bit odd to the other people in the room, but what the heck, it was fun.

"You know, he gave it to me, not you," I righteously pointed out at a momentary lull.

"I've already heard it all, from both sides," he justified.

I already had a nagging feeling, but, why should I worry? He already knew the whole story and was obviously fine with it.

Relenting, I ordered him to put it on the floor where we could both read it. After some minor scuffles over the timing of page turning (what can I say, I'm a fast reader), we got to the real action. I noticed about that point that Dan began shaking his head and muttering. Not generally a good sign.

Oh, no, I thought, this isn't going to be how he heard it. That's bad. Why did I let him read it? I didn't have a choice. "Don't analyze it."

He shook his head again and said, "I can't help it. I am analyzing it."

"I know. Don't."

We read a bit further. At the end, he said, "Interesting.." with a disbelieving air. He looked at his watch carefully. "Well, time for me to go to worship." He stood.

And I stood and walked with him. Why, I wondered, should I feel jealous? He hadn't made even one definite move in my direction. Because, I answered myself, he obviously wasn't completely over her. And my interest in him obviously wasn't completely platonic, either.

I looked up at him as we made our way to the door. "You're analyzing," I accused. He didn't deny it.

So he too was jealous, jealous of his friend over a girlfriend that belonged to neither of them.

What will happen? No one can tell. But jealousy sure is funny.