On Leaving
It was summer, nearly fall, in fact. Although it was not overly apparent, given the fact that the skies seemed to be permanently overcast and the thermometer had not managed to top 80°. But still, Amanda thought regretfully, it was almost over and that fact could not be avoided.
She lifted herself slowly out of the chair in which she had perched and headed toward the large house that had been her home for the last eleven years. Her family had moved, once, when she was six, but all she remembered of that was the first night on the floor before the furniture arrived, and the smell of fresh paint. This was different. Everything was different.
Opening the sliding glass door, she tossed her book of Browning on to the dining room table and went to the refrigerator in search of a Sprite. Finding none left, she settled for a root beer. She grabbed a bag of baby carrots and headed upstairs to her room. She had decided that now was the time to start eating healthy... it was even a diet root beer.
On her bed, her blue suitcase was gaping open, reminding her - as if she could forget - of the task at hand. Her friends couldn't understand her eleventh hour doubts. How could they? They all talked about how great it would be to get away from their families, to party all the time, to be completely free. And yet, they were not the ones headed across the country. Kind of ironic, that. The few who were actually doing "the college thing" were going to the state college, only an hour away.
As for Amanda, she didn't want the things her friends wanted. Although her family bugged her sometimes, she was not looking forward to leaving them. Infrequent, expensive phone calls were not her idea of communication. As for partying, it wasn't her thing. Well, at least not the kind her friends went to. Sometimes her church youth group got together for a party, but Amanda had a feeling this would not be like the college parties that State was famous for. And freedom... she felt like she already had it. She knew how lucky she was to have parents who really loved her and who knew how to be reasonable. So many others she knew didn't care what their kids did, or wouldn't let them do anything at all.
No, Amanda didn't care about those things, she was going for other reasons. Two, specifically. They also explained why she was going where she was, why she wouldn't settle for State, despite the pressure and the lower tuition. The first was education. She loved learning. The reference room was her favorite place in the library... the library was her most frequent hangout. She had goals for her life, and she knew that this was the best thing she could do right then to prepare for them. The second reason was social. True, she wasn't a partyer, but she was really hoping to make a lifelong friend, a friend she would eventually marry. He probably wouldn't be Mr. Right (she could always hope...), but she figured going where she was going would make it easier to find a godly man she could, she would, spend her life with. Some people laughed at her for attending a school with that in mind, but it was certainly important enough to her that she merely shook off their comments and wondered when she'd meet him.
Yes, she definitely had her reasons to look forward to a promising future, and her head was quick to remind her of it. But at that particular moment, her heart was not looking forward to anything.
Amanda looked around, her room looking more sweet and comfortable than ever. "Only the things you can't live without," her mother had said. But what in here could she live without. Everything held a precious memory, was something to be cherished. The painting that her grandmother had left for her when she passed away the previous year, certainly too large to take... her books, her dear books, the best friends she had had in years, too many in number to bring them all... half-filled notebooks, movie posters, Christmas light strung festively throughout the room, none of them she truly needed, all of them she wanted.
She sighed. Flopped into her director's chair. Leaned over and reached for one of those notebooks and a pen. Time to be practical, she thought. She began to list the things she would take, starting with the list of suggestions that the college had sent. "Sheets... study lamp... three ring binder... hangers..."
* * *
Three weeks later, Amanda had settled in and fallen into the hectic routine of school. After she had overcome the initial homesickness, she began to enjoy herself. On reflection, she thought, it had turned out pretty well. Her roommate seemed like a sweet girl. They didn't talk all that much but they were friendly and Amanda had a feeling that they'd be great friends by the end of the year. She looked forward to a year of learning, in and out of the classroom.
And throughout, Amanda had felt a gentle hand guiding her, soothing her fears, calming her nerves, and showing her light. No doubt about it, she'd live.